A Letter to Lois Lowry

My oldest son read, discussed, and wrote an essay on the book “The Giver” by Lois Lowry. He was told he had to write his essay on who he determined the ‘villain’ of the story to be. He does his own homework. I almost never check in on how or what he is doing anymore because he has taken on this responsibility in his life and rarely needs my help. But this assignment was different. My son, 13 years old (or rather “a thirteen,”) was so upset about the requirement. He insisted there isn’t a villain, or if there is there isn’t enough hard evidence in the book to support writing about it. I realized that I had never read the book, and after seeing how deeply moved he was I decided I must. If you plan to read the book and do not want spoilers read no further. The following is a letter I sent to the author Lois Lowry.

Dear Mrs. Lois Lowry,

I am writing to you about your book “The Giver” published in 1993. My son has recently read it for class and was told to decide who the villain of the story is and write an essay. He was overcome with emotion and insisted there really isn’t a villain, or if there is it was the society at large, and there were was not enough evidence to support writing an essay about it, considering they were ignorant to their own evil. He then decided the only credible option for a villain would be the Giver himself, but it pained him to write an essay supporting that notion, since it was not what he really believed. He settled on writing about the Giver as the villain since he felt sure the Giver knew Jonas would die out there alone in the wilderness trying to escape, and still he sent him away. I encouraged him to write a letter to his teacher about how this made him feel. He did, explaining it was difficult to hand in since he didn’t believe what he wrote to be the truth.

I have just a few more years of wisdom on my son, and after reading your book, felt compelled to write to you about it. You and I are similar. I too have four kids and married at a fairly young age. I love to write and create worlds allegorically. I know loss, but not like you do. And I’m inclined to think God’s hand was on you when you wrote this book.

I know, as you stated in your forward, many people have written letters to you over the years. Let me start by saying you accomplished something extremely difficult when you wrote the Giver. It is a very short read; a very simplistic read. Yet it is almost incomprehensible to process. I knew instantly you must look at life, human connection, pain, and love with great depth and a profound desire for all to be right in the world. I too feel this way. Growing up it was easy for me to feel angry and not understand why. Looking back I believe I was sometimes not emotionally ready for what I was processing intellectually. I believe life is like that.

Often, in today's society, and with the ease of streaming information, we offer a great deal of intellectual information that is too difficult for the younger generation to emotionally process effectively.

This morning I told my son, “I know who the villain is.”

He was eager. “Who?”

“The Sin of man.” I said.

You see none of us are above sin. We have all done it and we continue to do it. God knows this. He knew it all along. Yet He still gives us the choice to follow Him or not. Our sin causes other people pain. It distorts the view of children. Our sin knows no bounds. It is violent and selfish and destructive, and we justify it. There is no such thing as utopia here on earth, because without pain, depth, color, joy, sexual desires, anger, peace, freedom, loss, choice, and love- there is no life. Without the warmth, the family, the community, the human connection, the love, there is nothing. Not knowing those things means not having truly lived at all. But having experienced true pain, our selfish desire to be content in all things whether they are fair, or good, or right might cause us to make a society like this one- if we could. In some ways I think we do, turning a blind eye to injustices, choosing not to help someone else if it makes us uncomfortable, choosing our own contentment in spite of other’s misfortunes.

It must be simultaneously exhilarating and nauseating to have people tell you the meaning of the book you wrote. I wonder if that was part of the point. I wonder if you wanted people to tell you what it meant to them. Having created a world of blissful ignorance at the horrors of war, death, and wrong choices feels both cautionary and enticing. Somehow it wakes you up to coldness of snow, the redness of apples, the depth of desire, and the simple joy of the sun on your skin or a bike ride on the river with someone you like. When we lose someone, no matter how terrible the grief, we are not inclined to wish they never existed. Love means inevitable loss. Life means inevitable joy and pain. We know this, yet we can not understand why fully. Surely what we know; no matter how much pain comes with the joy, once we have experienced truly living, we can never go back.

Sincerely,

Brittany Benjamin

Write What You Know

Write what you know. I have said this. In an independent magazine interview, at a film festival Q&A, to aspiring writers and actors who have asked for my advice, I touted the same suggestion I was given way back in my advanced creative writing classes in high school. Write what you know. 

Only, here’s the thing. You only know so much at any given time in your life. And do you “know” it because you researched it or because you lived it? Where did you do your research? Is this an impartial and unbiased view? How can you be sure? 

In fact, if you are only supposed to write what you know when you are 17 years old, you might not know too much. I don’t mean this condescendingly. I mean, depending on what has happened to you, where you grew up, whether or not you have strong support and the things you need to develop as you were meant to, or if you have experienced trauma, you could know a little or a lot. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been abused? Do you even know if you are being abused? And what you have experienced and dealt with, and your viewpoint on it, may be completely different than another person in virtually the same situation. 

For example, if you were say currently 15 years old and for the most part you have had a fairly mundane and regular existence, but the last year of your life has been spent locked inside your own house with your immediate family, what you might “know the best” is how utterly crazy you feel. You might know how nasty your parents can be to each other. You might know how much it sucks to stare at a computer screen all day and have it pass as “school.” You might know what it feels like to be in such despair, but actually have all the things you need, and therefore not even understand why you are so sad. Or you might know how beautiful it is to spend a lot of time with your family and have no distractions. You might have been able to complete work more easily in a less busy schedule. You might know sheer gratitude for more time to yourself as an introvert. 

DARE you decide to write something you don’t know? Something you are imagining or wishing? Something you have created inside your own head to keep sane and occupied. Dare I, as someone who has never had a corporate job or learned to throw pots, imagine what it might be like? What if I have never been to China. Can I write about China? What if someone writes about what he/she/they imagine it’s like to be me, a white mom of four, who lives in a middle class suburb of Minnesota, sends her kids to public school, and goes to church. Do they have it right? Do they really know? 

I say, write what you WANT. Um, not if you are supposed to be reporting facts, making documentaries, or writing history books of course. Those writers are reserved for fair/ unbiased/ impartial/ true facts/ no opinions/ type truth. That type of writing is very specific and might I add very difficult for me personally since everything I have seen and experienced peppers into my writing on the regular. And if you are writing opinions and advertising them as facts you are a dangerous person. But for all of you fellow creatives out there: the screen writers, the novelists, the bloggers; write your opinions, your imaginings, your what ifs. Write what you love or hope for. Write what you are afraid of. Write what no one else has written yet. 

As an actor you are always trying to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. You research your character, dig deeply into what it may have been like to be that character in real life. To name a few I’ve played a prostitute, a cabaret dancer, an MMA fighter, a Jewish mother in hiding during WWII, a young dental hygienist, a hair stylist who almost gets murdered, a nurse, an unfaithful wife, a waitress who hates kids, and Davey Jones. Yes. Seriously. In a really wild short film. I’m NONE of those things. Well, I waitressed for a bit in high school but I love kids, and I’m a mom but I’m not Jewish. Part of the appeal of being an actor for me has been to go outside of myself and portray something I am not. Maybe a little bit of me sneaks into each of my roles. But some of the goals in becoming that character and portraying that character is empathy, compassion, some form of understanding, and acceptance. Occasionally I will play something I have actually been; like the former singer in an estranged band, a mom who’s ready to lose her mind about the little things, or a woman who has lost someone she loves.

If you have read enough books, taught enough classes, researched enough, do you know what you are talking about even if you haven’t lived it? Here’s a little secret: nobody knows anything, and everybody thinks they know everything. If there is one thing I have come to understand in the last year, it’s that those who really do know, who have a tremendous amount of wisdom, stay quiet a lot in our current society. And those who think they know everything talk really really loudly and frequently. I have been guilty of this in the past. And sometimes I do have the expertise, and I should be talking. And sometimes I need to remain quiet. That’s good advice for everyone by the way.  However, what we as artists can’t be doing, is staying silent about what we think, hope or imagine, because we have to constantly be worried it’s affecting someone’s delicate sensibilities. That is the death of art. It’s the death of comedy. It’s the death of freedom of expression. And that is very dangerous.

Recently I had been given the opportunity to audition for a film based off of a fantasy novel. When I heard about the character I was intrigued and delighted. She exists in the mind of some creative fantasy writer and I could make her come to life. For a moment I let my mind wander to what it would be like to be a fantasy writer. I have always been a “slice of life” “life is art” “art is life” kind of writer. A “reality” based “human condition” type writer. A “write what you know but make it funnier” type writer. I thought about the FREEDOM of being a fantasy writer. As artists we should all have that freedom. We should be writing and making and creating something we think or know with the freedom to show it as we please. We are not INSIDE THE BOX. Write what you want. 

Create Don't Hate

MANIFESTO: CANCEL CANCEL CULTURE

Ironic yes? The title of this piece of writing is intentionally cheeky because, well I think it’s time to make a little bit of fun out of the way we are “progressing.” You see, I see us regressing. And I’ve lived through some years. I’m not saying I’m old. Well, maybe I’m just old enough. I’ve graduated from college, I’ve been married for quite a while, I have four children and I still use a double space bar after a period.  While I don’t claim to be an expert in too many things, I do have some expertise. Not in math. Fortunately (or unfortunately, however you look at it) My acting career hasn’t taken me to the point of fame and because I don’t have any huge movie credits, or millions of followers, I feel just brave enough to make my opinion known without fear of having everything I’ve worked for taken away from me. Still, I expect to get hate for this.

  Recently, and without knowledge of the controversy, I watched the movie “Music” created by well known singer Sia. Without knowing of the backlash and call to cancel her new movie, I was blown away by how good it was. It was a unique and beautiful creation dealing with love, loss, passion, joy, and heartache. The film tackled tough subject matter: alcoholism and drug addiction, abandonment, death, disease, disability, familial love, forgiveness, responsibility, and redemption. I found the use of color, costume design, music, dance, use of facial expressions, light, and movement visually interesting and appealing. I was moved by the creative idea to take a look “inside the colorful and beautiful mind” of a non verbal autistic individual in order for those of us who are not autistic to imagine what it might be like. This, of course, is speculation on Sia’s part as I don’t have knowledge of her being diagnosed on the spectrum, though I admit I do not know that information.  I was surprised and impressed with how well the young professional dancer and actor Maddie Ziegler could use movement and facial expressions to convey a non verbal autistic individual. I thought her performance was brave and vulnerable and I could see how she worked to get it just right, likely wanting a valid and realistic portrayal. I was delighted with the quality of acting and dancing performance by Leslie Odom Jr, and Kate Hudson and thought highly of the singing quality of Kate Hudson’s voice. I immediately understood why this movie would have been nominated for Golden Globes. 

To my surprise a series of angry people in the Autistic community began to create petitions to cancel the film, calling it a disgusting display and slamming Sia for the use of a neurotypical actor playing that of a neuroatypical character. I then went on to read through hate comments, the description of the petition to cancel the film,  and derogatory comments on Sia and Maddie’s instagram feeds. I dove a bit deeper and read more statements from Sia on her claim to have done three years of research, the organizations she contacted and worked with, the neuroatypical people she did indeed work with, and yes, some of the insults she publicly hurled on her Twitter feed. I surmise those insults came from a place of where all nasty public comments come from, a place of hurt.

My expertise and why I feel compelled to write about this comes in here. I have been an actor for many years working in full feature and short films (likely nothing you’ve heard of) many commercials, industrials, short episodic content, print jobs and voice over work. As of the last few years I finally found the courage to write, direct and produce my own short film, followed closely by an even shorter second, and some extremely short form content there after. I have been writing a full feature script for the last couple of years and working up the courage to make the thing. It deals with falling in love and with loss. It deals with Cancer, and Dementia.  I don’t think it will be possible to cast someone with Dementia. In fact, I never even thought to do so. So this controversy and backlash with Sia’s movie (which almost certainly has the use of far more money to make a film than I could ever dream of, and what I thought to be such an accomplished piece of art) stopped me in my tracks. I was floored by the hatred and anger toward her when I had seen the movie and thought of it as a creation born of love and inclusion. I saw it as an attempt to draw us into the world of autism and care taking, and the trials and difficulties that may come with it. I saw it as a way to fuse music, color, and dance in an unseen world, with the reality of the world we all live in. The reality of our world is loss, and substance abuse, and feelings of regret, and selfishness, and disappointment, and pain. The reality of our world is also joy, new love, understanding, overcoming challenges, and beauty in the simplest things like a snow cone.

I posted about how good I thought the movie was on my instagram page, and in just minutes with my tiny little thousand followers from mostly the midwest, I had people who wanted to discuss why it was wrong.  I engaged in these discussions and felt grateful for the opportunity. I also had people in the disabled community who were angry and hurt hurl insults at me for condoning the movie with comments like, “You don’t know anything about being autistic so you can’t write about what I’m offended by.” and “Do you also believe in blackface?”

 I can certainly understand the disabled community wanting representation in films and tv shows. I believe we have come a long way from the days of blackface. I see more representation and authenticity in movies being made today than ever before. That doesn’t mean we don’t have farther to go, it simply means we are headed in the right direction. My point is this: casting a non verbal autistic person in the role of “Music” would have made what the movie currently is now, not possible. Without the use of Maddie, who is (from what we know) able bodied and neurotypical, you wouldn’t have been able to see this particular story unfold in the way that it did. That is not to say there couldn’t be a different movie which turned out spectacularly, with an autistic individual in the lead role. It just wouldn’t be what Sia created “Music” to be. These are hard truths, and unpopular things to say. I urge you, whoever is wanting this film canceled, to make your own film and hire neuroatypical actors. I would love to see what you made and I would sincerely be rooting for your success. We need less canceling, and more CREATING.

 I have a somewhat unique perspective as I have done physically and emotionally challenging roles with long hours and a high demand for a very specific creative vision. I have put together teams of people to work with and even with the deepest respect for each other, still had moments of disagreement and discord, people being overworked and overtired, and people unable to give anymore of themselves. Making a film is incredibly difficult even with all the resources you need.  And portraying something very specific is not easy to do. The directors/filmmakers, professional actors,  and professional dancers have to admit these truths. Disability means just that. There are certain things that disabled people have infinitely more trouble with than able bodied or able minded people. When Sia said she attempted to work with an autistic actor and felt it exhausting and too difficult and that she didn’t feel up to the task, it resonated with me. When Sia said she felt like demanding these types of hours, performances and tasks from a disabled person seemed abusive, it resonated with me.  I have not only found myself emotionally and physically drained by certain requirements in my performances, I have seen an abusive side of it. Yes, maybe Sia wasn’t willing to give up a specific vision of what the movie would be and cast a neurotypical and able bodied well known collaborator. And maybe you disagree with that. But I believe “canceling” her film is wrong. 

And finally, though I don’t refer to my condition as a disability I have in the past been very disabled by it. I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and when it first manifested, and while I was pregnant with each of my four children, I was so debilitated by it I could barely make it up or down a flight of stairs or lift a heavy pan. If I had been offered a physically demanding role before I was in a medical remission it would have been physically impossible for me to do. And that’s only one small part of it. If I weren’t exactly what the director was looking for, and my acting ability wasn’t up to a certain standard, that would be yet another reason for me not to get the role. Again, hard truths and unpopular opinions. We as a society have become so steeped in cancel culture. There seems to be this obnoxious and constant need to pick everything apart, be offended by it, and ban together like an angry mob to destroy it. I feel that means we are REGRESSING. When we look at a film made to spread love and goodness, and with no ill intentions by the filmmaker, and still we try to cancel it, how will we ever expect anyone in the world to feel brave enough to make anything at all? I urge anyone who was offended by this movie to give grace to the creator as I believe her only intention was to create a piece of art that showed love and inclusion. I urge anyone at all who ever expects to receive any grace for anything at all throughout life, to give it. And I especially urge you to CREATE instead of HATE. Make things that are important to you. My hope for you is when you put it out into the world, no one will try to cancel you.